So where were we? I was a bi-sexual woman, yet I had no experience with the ladies. What is a girl to do?
Stage 5 – I put a profile up on a popular dating lesbian site and waited.
- They aren’t keen/are suspicious of bi-sexuals and challenged me on it a lot.
- The best time to go on the site was Monday nights. It seems single lesbians for the most part stay home on a Monday night.
- Some of them call you a tourist when you tell them you are ‘new’, which isn’t very friendly when you are joining a new club.
You see that was what I wasn’t banking on. Once I’d be around the lesbians I’d be one of them right? Well yes and no. It turns out once you have made the decision to join a new club, you have to then decide if you want to tell them you are new. You are basically saying yes I am a lesbian virgin. It ain’t cool and it ain’t sexy and you get questioned a lot about why you didn’t realise sooner.
Stage 6 – I’d be lying if I didn’t say the comments on the website about my ticking the ‘bi-sexual’ box on my profile didn’t start to have an effect. They didn’t like it. They wanted my sapphic loyally and it made me wonder was I bi-sexual or gay?
My issue was, if you haven’t even kissed a girl, how do you know you prefer it to boys and you’ll never return to them EVER! (more or less.) But the universe has a funny way of helping you when you least expect it.
It happened and it happened big. I worked on a new event (I’m a freelancer). I met some new people I hadn’t worked with before. I met a girl and I fancied her straight away. Really fancied her. I knew where she was in the room at any given time. I stumbled over my words talking to her sometimes and made a few dorky comments in trying to impress her and appear cool. At the wrap party on the last day I ended up being one of the last people there in the bar with her. A young guy clearly interested in her sat on one side and me on the other. I didn’t know how to talk to her about my feelings and I felt 14 again. She wasn’t interested in either of us though. Turns out she had a long-term girlfriend at home.
When I found out she was gay, this was huge for me. Of all the people on this job (a large team) I had fancied the one (that I knew of) gay chick. Had I developed a new gay sense. Was my gaydar programmed, on and functioning?
Bigger still was the fact that I had experienced feelings for a woman. A real woman, not one on TV. For me it settled things once and for all. I wasn’t bi, I was chuffing gay.
The next day, I logged onto my dating profile and un-ticked ‘bi-sexual’ on my dating profile and ticked ‘gay’.